Hold onto your dram, ye cheeky Scots—Glasgow’s gone from shipbuilding to spirit-soaked streets, and it’s a proper hoot! Once a city of silent stills since 1902, when the last legal distillery shut down amid temperance zeal, we’re now in a distillery renaissance that’d make even the grumpy ghost of William Wallace raise a glass. The Glasgow Distillery Company kicked it off in 2014 with their 1770 Single Malt, proving we can distill history faster than a Highland fling. Then came Clydeside Distillery in 2017, its clocktower pumping whisky like it’s the new industrial revolution—minus the strikes, just cask strength. Even rum’s back, with Wester Spirit Co. resurrecting Partick’s 300-year-old sugar boom legacy in 2018. Och aye, the Clyde’s practically a whisky river now!
But let’s not get too smug—rumor has it the water’s turning amber from cask spills, and the fish are demanding their own dram! With distilleries popping up faster than hipster gin bars, are we drowning in spirits or the taxman’s wet dream? The council’s pondering 600 new homes on the old Dundashill site—will tenants get a free dram with their lease, or just a view of the distillery queue? Exports are soaring to France and Germany, but let’s hope the EU doesn’t slap a “too tasty” tariff on our single malts—or demand we share the recipe with Brussels bureaucrats who think Irn-Bru is a cocktail mixer.
Enter the political circus! The SNP’s John Swinney is likely eyeing this whisky windfall, pondering a “Whisky Independence” referendum to rival oil revenues—forget North Sea drilling, let’s tax the casks! Nicola Sturgeon’s past push for green energy might’ve inspired these wind-powered stills, but her silence on distillery grid woes is a classic dodge. Meanwhile, Labour’s Anas Sarwar wants renters’ rights, but will he demand a dram allowance for Glasgow’s boozy tenants? History shows Scotland’s spirit game is no stranger to politics—King James VI taxed whisky into rebellion in 1618, and today’s politicians are just as thirsty for control.
And here’s the slam: Glasgow’s distillery boom is a triumph, but these politicos are midges at a picnic—buzzing with promises, leaving us with a hangover. Locals are torn—half toast with haggis-stuffed drams, the other half mutter about tourists snapping selfies with casks instead of paying for a pint. Even the midges are in on it, auditioning for whisky ads!
Ode to the Dram
Oh, Glasgow’s casks, ye golden brew,
From Clyde’s wet banks, a rebel’s view,
Politicians sip, then tax our cheer,
Yet midges dance where drams appear! The heather hums with ancient lore,
Whisky flows where kings once swore,
Swinney schemes with taxman’s grin,
But we’ll outdrink the lot of him! With every sip, we claim our right,
Against the grid’s dim, dreary fight,
From Partick’s rum to Clyde’s fine malt,
Glasgow’s spirit shall ne’er halt!
Raise a glass to Glasgow’s spirit-soaked rise—share this and toast to outdrinking the politicians!